Monday, September 27, 2004

back in tha 314

Okay, now I’m back in St. Louis, and feeling okay. I’m thinking I will let my interviewee determine the course of action I need to take. If she stands behind what she said, I won’t take it out. Still, I may contextualize it differently…

The funeral for my grandfather last Friday was about as you might expect. A part of me was glad to meet some of his friends that I’d heard about for years, but a part of me felt very claustrophobic. There was one day when I just shut down because I couldn’t deal with so many people. My sister says that usually happens once per family gathering.

I think G.P.’s death for me was only a minor marker of the change in era that my family is going through. He tapered off over a long period. I found myself not mourning his death, per se, but the end of this pattern of family traditions. Oddly, his and Grancie’s house was the concrete object I attached this loss to.

So, I shot some footage and showed a lot of old videos and 8mm film that GP had shot. This was a rich period for coming up with ideas for video projects and printing projects. These will surely be personal and probably not distributable, but really, if I get back to that, then I’ll be a lot more secure in my work, and I won’t have issues with questionable moral ambitions and my ego, etc...

Today I’m doing some more reading for the PEAR stuff, and I got sidetracked into some technical articles about modeling consciousness (recently published in Psyche magazine). I’m really wanting to go back to grad school today. This is probably partly related to conversations with Jess, who has started classes now, and is reading interesting stuff.

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