Tuesday, December 21, 2004

another unexpected development!

i just got a 'congrats email' for the whole proposal thing. that means
someone reads this occasionally.

the advent of an audience... does that change things? i think i always
use the idea of an audience when i write, but i don't expect it to ever
become real.

okay. this is boring introspection and it ends here.

going back to cali

okay, last post till the new year, i'm moving to California tomorrow,
and stopping on the way for 2 Xmas celebrations.

To sum up 2004:

  • jess and I moved in together
  • finished GUR short edition
  • STL TAI CHI CHAMPION - (beginning student division)
  • minor breakdown when struggling with CALOP
  • last summer at Camp Maddox
  • jess and 1/2 of me moved to Cali
  • minor breakdown when legally threatened over GUR portrayal
  • GP died
  • George Bush sucked (and continues)
  • Kerry sucked harder (and didn't continue)
  • Camp Maddox was sold
  • Jess and I got engaged
  • post for PEAR looks good - yay! a job that pays money!
  • I'm ready to finish GUR long edition - it's much better, but back

that's it. happy holidays.


Monday, December 20, 2004


yesterday I woke up feeling weird about getting married.

i think it's because the night before we went to the wedding of a friend
of Jess's. His advice to me about buying a ring was, "find one you don't
hate, and take it."

it's hard sometimes to disassociate the 'suburban settling' image of
marriage from the reason I proposed to Jess. I guess i feel like i've
seen some pretty fake marriages and weddings, and i just DON't WANT
THAT! I want to be with her until... always, and i feel confident about
it, but apparently I still have some unpleasant associations with the
the concept of marriage.

Luckily, I'm with someone who won't get freaked out if i wake up and
say, "wow, i'm feeling weird about this marriage thing." we talked about
it for a while, and i'm back to normal, just feeling really lucky and
good about being with Jess. it still has that permanent feel, even if my
images of weddings and marriage don't fit very well with that.

Monday, December 13, 2004


hey. thursday jessica arrived, and friday the engagement was announced to our families at her 26th birthday party. I am now officially engaged. Yay! it's a promise!

As for other promises I've made, particularly in regard to finishing the GUR project. I'm afraid I'm facing another broken deadline. Alicia's help with the re-write has been a tremendous step forward, and in the right direction, but it has also been a step backward. a lot of material has been scrapped.

In other news, the PEAR project has been approved, and it's time to get to work. Phase one begins when i arrive in Santa Cruz, I'll probably make my first trip to New Jersey in early February.

As for now, since the remaining week that I have to work on the GUR project also has christmas and a cross country move crammed into it, I'm afraid the GUR project is going to be shelved. Alas, and oh dear. Though I'm working on it today, when I make the move to Cali, it's going to be put on the back burner. Hopefully it will be completed someday, and when that day comes, it will be screened in St. Louis sent to festivals, and the chapter will be closed. But for now it remains incomplete. a three year void in my resume.


Sunday, December 05, 2004

ross mcElwee

saw Ross McElwee today. It was nice. He has the advantage of being great on camera - very articulate, not fake, affable, good looking, charming.

-some notes-

  • his shooting ratios are really low - 10:1 to 15:1 Oh MY GOD!
  • his budgets are also small - ~$90,000 for Six O'Clock News. Typical 1hr Doc for PBS ~$600,000
  • His writing process involves watching his footage and free associating on a laptop as he watches.
  • dangers of autobiography - solipsism, narcissism.
  • He didn't get releases for most of the shooting he's done. no location releases, only releases from individuals when he remembered. the distributors just require that he lies to them and take responsibility for any problems.

in regard to the lack of releases and legal worries - HIS TOPICS TYPICALLY DO NOT INCITE ANGER!

that's a disadvantage I have.


thursday is not only the first full day of Hanukkah, it's also the day
jessica returns to St. Louis. Hallelujah!

SO - by then I want -

all new (and very old) tapes reviewed, imported, sorted,
all bins reviewed
upcoming interviews adequately pursued
elemental structure to new segments
some segments nearing final state.
voiceover rewriting at moderate-good development for all segments.
new shots planned to utilize help from jessica.

okay! Go!

Saturday, December 04, 2004

GUR update -

it's a good thing that I haven't written here in some time. That means I'm not procrastinating. The past couple of weeks have been very good to me, and the GUR project is going to be 10x better as a result.

Why, you ask? My sister rocks. not only has she kicked my ass into gear, but she's helped me rewrite some crucial bits so that now they don't make me cringe. Cringing is something that really hurts forward progress. It's the number one cause of creative blocks. just so you know.

Other developments - the struggle I was having with the footage about which i was chastised? attacked? ... has been... unresolved, but it's reached a point where I'm no longer supposed to investigate. The complaining party has either become more comfortable with it, or has realized that I can't investigate without causing as much damage as the alleged allegations. So, it has been put to rest. Most likely that
footage will remain in the final piece.

I'm working well these days. My current deadline of December 21st rapidly approaches. If I'm not done by then, i'm okay with that, because i know i'm on the right track now, and if festival planning, audio tweaks, web page, and pre-screenings have to wait until a St. Louis visit in the spring, that's okay. Because this project is ending. And ending well. And that is a blessing.

It's saturday night - back to work.