yesterday I woke up feeling weird about getting married.
i think it's because the night before we went to the wedding of a friend
of Jess's. His advice to me about buying a ring was, "find one you don't
hate, and take it."
it's hard sometimes to disassociate the 'suburban settling' image of
marriage from the reason I proposed to Jess. I guess i feel like i've
seen some pretty fake marriages and weddings, and i just DON't WANT
THAT! I want to be with her until... always, and i feel confident about
it, but apparently I still have some unpleasant associations with the
the concept of marriage.
Luckily, I'm with someone who won't get freaked out if i wake up and
say, "wow, i'm feeling weird about this marriage thing." we talked about
it for a while, and i'm back to normal, just feeling really lucky and
good about being with Jess. it still has that permanent feel, even if my
images of weddings and marriage don't fit very well with that.